Sometimes, I Don’t Know…

The Thinker

The Thinker by Dano, on Flickr

I feel like I have been down this road a few times. I guess I’m wrestling with God, but He hasn’t put my hip out of joint, yet (I have been listening to Imago Dei Community series called “Wrestling with God”) Or did I just tap out? I’m not sure. I think that I am getting to a point where I am clinging to Him, but I haven’t asked for a blessing. Or have I? I keep asking for the blessing of a loving family, but not just that. I keep asking for a whole family, one that has been healed of it’s wounds. Maybe, in that respect, I am still wrestling with God. I keep hearkening back to the Shane Hipps sermon (Mars Hill, Grandville) on how reasoning in the western world has slowed down faith healing. So, I constantly have to meditate on the passage from Mark, “I believe, help my unbelief.” I usually say this when I feel down, when I don’t think that I’m getting physically healed, or when my family or myself needs to be healed.

I’m beginning to think that my hip socket has been put out of joint, and I am to be renamed.  I’m beginning to think that the “Wrestling with God” series has sparked in me something that says that what I have been doing is about to be completed and I’ll be moving onto something else in my faith.

I’ve seen so much in the last 5 years. I sometimes wish I could go back 3 or 4 years, and start over with some things, but I don’t dwell on it. I can’t go back, and I don’t need another time through it all. I’m coming out on the other side of this reborn, renamed, and with a limp that causes me to seek God, and cling to Him more than where I am now. I want the world, and specifically teenagers to know this difference. I want them to know that if they persevere with their faith, that the wrestling is worth it. I have seen too many “tap out” in favor of what the world tells them. I can think of several off the top of my head that God has me pray for still. I know that God isn’t done with me.

I may add more to the post in the future as I still have to re-listen to Rick Bezet at New Life Church in Little Rock, AR, “I Have Decided To Love His Church.”

Maybe I do know…

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