A New Thorn in My Side

Sometime back in December, I overheard a conversation while the women were baking Christmas treats. A friend of ours had just had a baby, and one remarked how wonderful to watch a life being born.

Somewhere in my head, I began to reflect on the things that I wished I could have had experienced, but have missed out. That is one such event. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family the way it is. I have come to realize that now more than ever, with DS-25 having moved out recently, and DD-18 (is she really 18 now?) out and about, and probably moving out on her own sometime in the next year or so. The last 5 years of marriage have flown by, and since the youngest two were just in their early teen years when Mary and I met, I have watched them grow, with the satisfaction that I was there to witness it and have been a part of it. However, some of the younger stages, I have missed out on. Ones that may have bonded me closer to the kids than it feels now. I’ll experience some of that with the grandkids. I know that for sure, but there are some things that I have missed out on.

Mary and I talked about starting our own family, back when we got married. I was turning 40 and I was didn’t think me turning 58 when the kid turned 18 was one of those things that would be great. Not to mention that I didn’t want to risk Mary’s health, even though she had no risk factors for having a any problems, and the age difference between our youngest now and it’s age.   So it’s kind of disconcerting then, at this point, that  I have been thinking what it would be like to be there for the birth of a child that is related to me. I’m not sure where this comes from. Maybe from feeling not fully bonded with the kids yet, and they are all independent adults so time to continue to grow more intertwined with them is limited. So it gets me a little down realizing that. However, this is just a fleeting emotion. It will pass, but for now, it is a new thorn in my side.

A New Thorn in My Side

  1. Dad says:

    I would be remiss if I did not give you my perspective…father-son type of thing. Now that I am retired, I think a lot about the missed opportunities: family things, vocational things, friendship things…get used to it. You will have lots of those coming at you in the next 25 years. But have come to peace with that stuff…life is what it is today. Make the best of it. You will gain lots of satisfaction from your grands…and you have four beauties right now…make the most of them. That is one of the things we did right was to become involved with our two guys here…oh, so very close.

    You’ll be ok…

    • jeff says:

      I know I will. Just needed to get it out there and not rolling around in my head, and let others know that they aren’t the only ones going through it. Thanks Dad.

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