The first major change in a long time has finally happened, the old house sold. Mary and I signed the papers on Friday (8/6/10) declaring the house is no longer ours. We now just own one house, the one in Boyne Falls. I praise God for that. With that bit of news, there are some negative things that have been happening, as well. I won’t list them here, they are related, and they have been rather heart breaking, in the figurative sense of the word, but change is happening.
It has been a while since I shared about my spirituality. The short version is that I “sense” more than I used to, and reading the Bible has become more revelatory than I used to know. In this case, despite a few of the negatives that have shown up, I got the impression that Jeremiah 30:17 is in play, but only if people will do what Matthew 5:23-24 says. I’m struggling with this, because I feel the need to go to some of the heart breakers and talk to them, because they did hurt me. So, I have been praying. Now, I’m not sure when an answer to this prayer will come, but I heard three pastors a few months ago, that I think God was speaking through, to me, in preparation for this moment.
1. Rob Bell preaching about a Sacred Waste
2. Brian Zahnd preaching about Salt and Light
3. Duane Van Der Klok preaching about Mega Faith
I know that I will have to pour out an offering in figurative terms. That I will have serve those I pray for.
That I will not see an answer right away, even though it looks like nothing will ever happen.
In my RSS reader were these posts from some bloggers that I read. The first was from Don Miller, the author of Blue Like Jazz. His post about Let Story Guide You had this excerpt that was rather reminiscent of events here, as of late.
The other problem with real life is it’s hard to tell whether or not you are the bad guy. We all believe we are the good guy or that our words and actions are justified. The other day I lost my temper at a stranger. I really let them have it. I still feel like they deserved it. It was a bully situation in which somebody was being threatened. But I went too far, honestly. I pretty much said things that person will be thinking about for years. I went for the jugular and put him in his place. Or perhaps it went in one ear and out the other, I don’t know. But regardless, I was thinking about that today, and realized that the things I said could be placed word for word into a film in which the character that said it got “what they deserved” at the end and nobody would really care. Stink. Can’t believe I said those things.
I worry about my temper at times when I need to confront things, because I don’t want to end up in this situation. Besides, when I do get angry in an argument, I can’t think clearly enough to make sense. So to combat this I pray. Of course, the book study that I happen to be reading online from theologian Scot McKnight is Psalms. The post that I read about has been Psalms 25:17-22. Here’s his commentary:
The psalmist’s inner heart is in need of relief (v. 17); the psalmist is in trouble and wants forgiveness (v. 18); the psalmist then thinks of his enemies and wants deliverance (v. 19). So he prays for deliverance (20-21).
And then suddenly, the psalmist moves to the People of God: redeem Israel (v. 22).
Read more here.
So the Psalmist is praying just the way I have been feeling, and for the resolution that I believe that we are looking for. That is my prayer tonight…Lord, give strength to reconcile without the anger, heal my broken heart, heal your church, and give me rest. Amen.
My rest is the only thing I can control. That is the one thing I will work on is resting. For these changes have been exhausting.